So.... I'm not going to lie, I have no good excuse whatsoever for not having written anything on here for more than three months... To be quite honest, I didn't even realize it had been that long until I decided to check how long it had been today and saw that I last posted something in the beginning of June.

I can, however, say that I have had one hell of a time since last time. So much has happened since then, and this will be a quick re-cap of the last three months.

In the middle to end of June I was finishing off my exams for A-levels (which, by the way, went much better than I expected!) and then had some time off before it was time for the two official graduations that I was going to have. The first one was the regular "leavers assembly" and "leavers meal" that seems to be a tradition here in England, which was very nice to experience. I got an award, as the class' "Little Miss Wise" and the leavers meal was spent eating good food with amazing people. The week after having had this, it was time for me to celebrate my graduation Swedish-style. It's hard to explain the whole procedure, but I can tell you as much as I got a lot of weird looks when wearing my graduation cap and riding around town with music blasting out of the speakers of the car and blowing a whistle and cheering on myself for graduating. The best part was probably though that two of my best friends flew in from Sweden to surprise me for this, and I was so glad to have them here for that.

After my two friends had flown back to Sweden, me and my family went a couple of days to Cornwall to do some sightseeing down there and even though the weather wasn't the best the whole time we were there, it was still such an amazing experience.

We then flew to Sweden to spend the best summer of my life with family and friends for a whole month (!) which unfortunately made me miss some job opportunities here in London, but it was so worth it. I got to meet friends I hadn't seen in a very long time and of course to see other people who I love very, very much. I never wanted the summer to end, but obviously we had to go back to England and the reality of our everyday lives. Besides, I had to start getting my sh*t together and look for a job and start studying for a driver's license (it's starting to get a bit annoying to be 20 and the only one of your friends that doesn't have a driver's license...).

I started applying for a couple of jobs around the area where I live (it's so nice working close to home because you save a hell of a lot of money when you don't have to travel anywhere). I handed out my CV at a couple of places and then went back home to await a reply from at least one of the places.

Oh, and I almost forgot! After I had done this, my dad took me for a weekend in Paris! It's a city where I've always wanted to go and since I had never even been in France before, I was really excited about experiencing the French culture. We managed to do so much, even though the heat (we had about 30 degrees Celsius everyday we were there) was kind of making it hard to enjoy our sightseeing, but I got to see all the must-see monuments and we even went out for a day trip to Versailles to see the palace.

Anyways, when we were on the Eurostar back to London, I turn on my phone as soon as we arrive in England and see that I have a missed call and a voicemail from an unknown number. I listen to the voicemail and am happy to hear that it is the manager of my local Costa coffee shop that is interested in meeting with me, so the day after I head over to Costa and manage to land myself an unprepared job interview on the spot. After that, I went in to London with my mom, my sister and a few family friends to the Notting Hill Carnival and the day after this I come in to Costa again to do a trial work shift. It must've gone well since I have now been working there for about two and a half weeks and am officially their latest barista-in-training. It's of course not my dream job, but the people I work with are great and it should be a great experience for me before I head back to Sweden next year and say goodbye to England for now.

So that's been my life since I last wrote anything on here, and as you can see I have kept myself quite busy. Now that I have gotten back to a routine though, I would like to start writing a bit more again to keep my creative side going so I have decided to start a 30 day writing challenge that I will start with tomorrow. I really hope that I can keep this going for the entirety of the challenge.
I have decided to not continue the #LoveMeChallenge due to personal reasons. I still feel like I have gained a lot of insight of how much I need to appreciate myself if I want to get anywhere in life, and that my main priority should be me. I will continue looking for another fun challenge that I can do, maybe a reading challenge because I seriously LOVE books.

What I don't love is my life challenges right now. I know that sounds cheesy, but the way that life is playing dodgeball with me and my problems at the moment is really tiring me out and I don't know how much longer I can stay in the game. My exams are coming up soon (oh joy) and I am currently in the search for a job so that I will actually have something to do with my life after the exams. At least I have the summer to look forward to. Sweden, you better prepare yourself because I am coming and I am going to have the summer of my life.

Day in and day out, I have to defend myself and other girls out there when I hear boys complain about how confusing girls’ behaviours are. “We don’t know what we want, and we lead boys on, and blah blah blah.” But let me just put this out there: HAVE YOU TAKEN A HARD FUCKING LOOK AT YOURSELVES?!

I have never intentionally lead someone on that I didn’t believe I would end up with. Yes, sometimes it has taken me some time to realise that the person that I’m with is not someone I want to be with, but I always try to make my feelings clear to everyone else. If I don’t like someone, as in REALLY DON’T LIKE, then they will know that. I will know that. Everyone will know and the world will be at peace. Well, almost.

There are of course girls who lead boys on too, don’t get me wrong. There are boys who make girls believe that they have something when they don’t, and there are girls who do that to boys, and there are boys who do that to boys and there are girls who do that to girls. It’s not a specific gender that alone leads others on. But I am sick and tired of always hearing that girls are the ones that are confusing and all that, when there are actually so many boys who are the exact same.

Recently, I have realised that I have developed feelings for a boy in my class. Did I plan it? Of course not. He’s sexist, and he’s rude, and he is definitely not the type of guy I usually fall for. But there is something about him, and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I do know that whatever it is, it’s making me like the way that he smiles, and the way that he makes me laugh even when I don’t want to, and how soft his hands are that one time we accidentally touched… Okay, I’m getting of topic here.

He asked me a few weeks ago whether I like him or not. I think it has something to do with the fact that my friends have been shipping us for some time now, and they keep bugging him about taking me out on a date. I took my time to answer because I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to know how I felt, but decided that I didn’t really have anything to lose and told him that I like him. He ignored the subject until yesterday, when he finally started asking me more about why I like him. He’s been sending ver y mixed signals, doing things that makes me believe that he does like me, but at the same time he hasn’t said that he liked me.

I feel like the ball is pretty much on his side of the court right now, because he specifically told me that he doesn’t like when a girl asks a guy out and I have already told him that I like him. There is nothing that I can do now, but it’s pissing me off that he is not doing anything. If he would at least tell me that he has no feelings for me and never will have, I will be able to get over it. I won’t cry over rom-coms while eating a whole tub of ice cream just because he might think that it would break my heart (who am I kidding? I will DEFINITELY eat that tub of ice cream anyways because I love ice cream).

Anyways, this has been a very long rant post, but I just felt the need to get this off my chest and I didn’t know who else to talk to. Thank you for reading about my super uninteresting life.

TL;DR: Boys are stupid. Girls are stupid. Everyone is stupid. Feelings are stupid too.