So yesterday I had the brilliant idea of writing a midnight post, which then turned into a midnight rant. It was the longest post I have ever written and it felt good to get everything off my chest.

Unfortunately, with my luck, it was not posted. Just as I hit the publish button, I was told that I had been logged out and nothing had been saved. I said some things that should never be repeated about how I felt about that. I think you can figure it out. And do you think I can remember what I wrote about? I have no clue whatsoever what I wrote about so I can’t even rewrite my rant and pretend like nothing happened. Sucks to be me.

Other than that, I am up over my head with the amount of schoolwork that we are being given. Help, I’m drowning! It’s a real struggle getting out of bed in the morning when you don’t even see the point in continuing with what you’re doing. Guess I should be glad that I have graduation to look forward to. After that, I will be free like a bird. Or well, I will probably have to get a job but I will be as free as a bird with a job. If that makes sense.

Now I have a shitload of work to do. Isn’t it just great when teachers care more about our grades and homework than our mental health?
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to upload anything during the festive seasons. The feeling of not having to stress about school was overwhelmingly relaxing and ended up with me just not doing anything for the first couple of days. And then the hell that is the festive season started.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christmas and New Year's per se, they are both lovely holidays that I don't mind celebrating. But I've realized as I'm getting older that these holidays become more and more work, and the expectations and disappointment that come with them are wearing me down to the point of dreading the holidays. 
 
My Christmas celebrations were quite simple this year, it was just me, my parents and my sister as we stayed in England and did not have any other family visiting for Christmas. Then the horror started two days before New Year's Eve. Some family friends came over to England to celebrate with us as they have celebrated NYE with my parents since sometime in the 90s. My sister's best friend came with them to surprise her, and even though I was happy for my sister for having her best friend here, a small part of me was secretly wishing that one of my friends would show up as well. That was not the case. I spent NYE getting drunk off wine (which I don't even like) while sitting alone on the couch, contemplating over whether I should be sad enough to try and finish my math homework or not. 
 
I tried to make contact with my friends, who I knew was having a party, as last year we quickly made a call on Skype before midnight. They, however, did not seem very interested in having a Skype call with me this year and not even when I told them that I was having a shitty NYE did they seem to care. I decided to go with my family to try and see some of the fireworks in London, toasted to the new year with a glass of champagne and then went home and went to bed. In conclusion, I spent my NYE getting drunk alone and crying myself to sleep.
 
I didn't make any New Year's resolutions either. Why would I? Just so that I can say something when the ball drops, just to later disappoint myself when I'm not able to keep that promise? I guess I have one new year resolution though: to take each day as it comes. To not make a lot of empty promises and get both mine and other's hopes up. And with that I will graciously leave this post with my motto (at least for the day) and hope the rest of you had a better New Year's Eve than me.
 
See you next post.